How to Support a Co-worker Through a Personal Crisis - The Muse

How to Support a Co-worker Through a Personal Crisis - The MuseHow to Support a Co-worker Through a Personal Crisis When you spend over 40 hours a week with the same group of people, you cant help but form bonds. Shared experiences like laughing at office-related inside jokes, dealing with tough bosses, and frequenting favorite lunch spots can turn colleagues into personal friends. You may even come to know about your co-workers lives outside of the office. Its not uncommon to spend time with your co-workers at happy hours and fitness classes or know about (or even meet) their kids, spouse, and friends. But what happens then when a close colleague encounters a personal crisis? Whether a co-worker is going through a divorce, caring for a family member with an illness, or experiencing another personal problem, it can be confusing to know how to respond appropriately. While you may feel a degree of intimacy with this person and feel like its natural to inquire about the details and step in to try to alleviate some of the stress, there are still professional boundaries you should respect. Its wise to strike a balance between offering your support and respecting your colleagues privacy.Here are some rules of thumb to help you achieve that happy medium.Do Show Youre ApproachableEveryone wants to feel acknowledged and comforted during tough times, but it can be challenging to figure out how to convey support in an appropriate way. When you dont know what to say, something simple yet heartfelt- like, Im so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother- can be just what your co-worker needs to hear. And its absolutely OK to let your colleague know youre there for her if she does want to talk about whats going on. This doesnt, however, mean barraging her with questions or insisting on details that could drive her away. Dont Offer Unsolicited AdviceWhile its tempting to want to play amateur therapist and offer advice to your struggling co-worker- particularly if youve been there before- focus on supporting, not preaching. Your goal should be to make your colleague feel comfortable and cared for, not to provide your recommendations. Unless someone specifically asks for your advice, its best to keep your opinions to yourself. Instead, ask open-ended questions like, How are you holding up? to try and understand how he or she is feeling.Do Offer to Help in Specific WaysAvoid offering vague statements like, Let me know if theres anything I can do or asking, How can I help? These blanket sentiments place a burden on the struggling person to make an effort to generate ideas for you, and chances are, your colleague may feel uncomfortable requesting help from a fellow co-worker. Instead, be proactive and show youre willing to help by offering assistance in specific, concrete ways, such as, Im running out for lunch can I pick up a meal for you today? or, Im calling the distributor- do you want me to touch base with him on your behalf about the new designs? Simp le gestures like unterstellung can provide a huge amount of relief for your colleague. And, by offering something specific, you wont get overloaded with tasks you dont have the bandwidth to handle or arent comfortable with based on the nature of your relationship.Dont Be Susie SunshineIf your colleague is going through a personal crisis, he doesnt need you reminding him to buck up and look on the bright side. Every person experiences lifes highs and lows differently, and its important to respect your colleagues unique coping process- whatever that entails. While you likely have good intentions, your optimism can inadvertently make it seem like youre downplaying or trivializing the matter, which can make the situation even worse for your co-worker. A better strategy is to help him or her feel heard and understood by offering phrases like, That sounds so difficult or You must be angry By validating your co-workers struggles, yet remaining neutral, youll help him feel comfortable openi ng up to you. At the same time, you minimize the risk of alienating him by making him feel like hes overreacting or not handling things the way he should. Supporting a colleague whos going through personal turmoil can be a tricky workplace scenario to navigate. When you reach out to offer your support, remember to honor your co-workers boundaries and let him or her take the lead on how much he or she wants to disclose. By sticking to unterstellung rules of thumb, youll be able to strike a balance of support and respect. In the long run, this helps you preserve and strengthen your relationship with that person and foster even better teamwork when the clouds clear.Photo of comforting colleague courtesy of Shutterstock.